Brian Shields Obituary, Death, Cause Of Death – God Speed Officer Brian Shields. Please keep his family, his APD family and all the people who were blessed to call him a friend, in your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. My father was cremated today. I’m still paying for the experience of his presence in my life, how it shaped my self-esteem and view of the world, which I have worked tirelessly to transcend. He was a very painful part of my childhood and teen years. At the same time I cannot deny that without him I would simply not exist.
At seventeen, I had to run to save my sanity. After that we just became estranged, for decades actually. Sorrys never came. The problem is, you think you have time. A few months ago he found out he was terminally ill, after which he reached out. He wanted to see me. I went to see my parents, but we were unable to set our differences aside. Their behaviour hadn’t changed and it’s like I have a defence mechanism that creates a mental separation between me and my trauma. I wrote him a letter, in which I stated my feelings and told him that I forgave him for a lot of things that were done to me when I was a child. An answer to that letter, as always, didn’t come. He died last friday without providing answers. Or closure.
Brian Shields Obituary – Death, Officer Brian Shields has died, Cause of death
Today, I specifically mourn the child in him, as I firmly believe that no person is born evil. He too had his struggles and trials growing up. Somewhere inside, there was a man who at least started out with good intentions. At one point he probably had hopes and dreams. I definitely have to live with the scars, but anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but can destroy everything.
I wrote this song. It is probably the rawest and realest thing I’ve ever done. The voice you hear in the intro is a tape-recording of my father, congratulating me (in Dutch) on my fourth birthday.